An open heart
What I like about New York is that I can easily disappear in the crowd. I can often be an unknown, for I don't know many people here. In this state of wandering, I think of my idea of love. I decide,...
View ArticleThe un-nostalgia
I have been going through an un-nostalgic phase. For the first time in 13 years since my immigration to the States, I have no nostalgia. I don't miss childhood, or the waves and the Caspian Sea, or...
View ArticleThe light
I am the midnight visitor in my Virginia house on Cedar Lane. The house feels warm on on this July night. Everyone, including my four month-old niece Ayla, is asleep. I peek inside the room she is in....
View ArticleThe unconnected city
I go out alone on most nights, roaming the city like a traveler. But unlike a traveler happily exploring, I am seeking something deeper. I live in an unconnected city and I seek to be connected. I...
View ArticleA stranger visits
I am home again in Fairfax. It is strange to call it "home," for after months of infrequent visits, I hardly belong. I no longer have a room, and the house continues to change as my family moves in and...
View ArticleFather's revelation
We found a coffee shop near the hotel. My father ordered a chicken sandwich, his favorite. Mom and I ordered coffee and bagels. I was still very nostalgic at this point. I began describing how I felt...
View ArticleDetached
I have been detached for a few days. I feel as though I have stepped out of my body. Before this state of detachment, I had incorporated my nostalgia so well that it had become an absolute part of my...
View ArticleLetting go
Like Jay Gatsby, some of us like to recreate the past. Though for Gatsby, it wasn't just a recreation, but an inability to let go of the past. He thought he still had it -- his old love, his old self,...
View ArticleRetain
He said now he understands what I meant when I said I was nostalgic. We walked through Washington Square Park and he was reminded of his college years and the memories for which he is now nostalgic...
View ArticleThe moon watcher's state of mind
I came on the roof to vocalize and sing. The air was fresh. It was the perfect fall night and the moon glittered, magnificent and orange and a bit creepy. I sang some of my favorite Iranian songs and a...
View ArticleDrifting
Time is trivial here. I drift through my house, my feet lightly brushing against the carpet. I am a visitor and it appears as though I speak a different language now that I am back in my parents' home....
View ArticleThe comfort in missing someone
I miss A sometimes. I’ll be waiting at the station, and a boy will walk out of a train with his backpack, reminding me of A who always carried one. There is comfort in remembering someone who looked...
View ArticleA field of scars
My father’s body is a field of scars. His surgery scars run deep on his chest, his abdomen, his neck and knees. The one on his chest right below his heart, protrudes outward; it forever remains on his...
View ArticleA universe of beautiful people
He said every person is a universe. When two people meet, they are exploring one another’s intimate spaces, their individual stories, fears, dreams, inspirations and uncertainties. Whether the two...
View ArticleDeath
Death settled inside a candle-lit home where mourners struggled to comprehend an incomprehensible parting of a soul. The living talked of the dead without knowing how, with silences that needed no...
View ArticleMy Stranger
There is something oddly comforting about sleeping next to a stranger. It is perhaps because his body isn’t really mine, but open to be explored, touched, kissed, caressed. I trust him in that moment....
View ArticleLet's Not
Let's not get to know each other. Let's not learn our favorite colors and flowers. Let's not try to understand. Let's not remember our secrets. Let's not make memories that last. Let's not pretend we...
View ArticleLove Me Love Me
My mother was never in love with my father. "We didn't concern ourselves with "love" the way your generation does," my mother said. We are too consumed by love, with falling in love, being in love,...
View ArticleDancing with Strangers
The older man who danced with me taught me how one holds his partner's hand properly. You don't interlock your fingers with your dance partner's, but leave your hand open, palms touching loosely,...
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